What does it even matter? The fact that I know, have always known, in the back of my head and now moreso in the front, that I've been manipulated? Completely, utterly, lead on.
Fuck if it mattered I'd just been raped a few months previously, and prior to and after that manipulated & forced into sex, deceived on multiple occasions by those I trusted and some of which I'd known for most of my life, hurt physically and emotionally....and before that even my whole life having been hurt, lost, and in denial of some very traumatic experiences in general.
Actually, that did matter, because that's what made all this possible. Like a cheetah singling out the weakest gazelle in the herd. A cheetah who is even more in denial than I am, so much so he can't even see how he's exactly like everyone else.
But...in the land where everything is meaningless what does it matter?
It doesn't.
Awesome.
Even though theres a good chance I'm incredibly sick, I'm still not going to blame.
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