its 4:30 am

.....and all but one person in our house is awake. The sun hasn't even risen yet,  2 people are just waking up and at least 4 family members have yet to fall asleep.At least 3 people are in line to use the shower at this godawful hour.......odd.


I'm eating more lasagna, the only food I will eat for the next few days. That and this bag of Doritos right here.

Tonight was a fun night. My mind started playing thousands of tricks on me again. Shadows bloomed out of nowhere, bursting into my view in suggestive, looming shapes....dashing across the street right ahead of me, crawling, jittering, and slinking into and out of my sight. Trees with faces twisted in pain, black spirits hovering, clinging to their branches, which are full of tiny imps with crazed eyes. As I drive away....I look into the rear view mirror and a menacing stranger grimaces at me, in a panic I clench the wheel and try to reorient myself to the idea that he's not really there, saying "hail Mary...." softly or just in my head, blinking, looking back again and seeing that he's gone....only to reappear again when I'm off guard again. Deep, dense black holes full of some immense energy open up on street signs, in the dividers on either side of the freeway.....horrible dark monstrosities brace themselves, ready to spring onto my car and wrench off the doors to get at me.....a dark, menacing grimace from the back seat, my seat belt tightens as I catch myself tensing and throwing myself forward against the wheel in a moment of total fear....and then with another shock imagine losing control of the car, the windshield shattering and piercing through my chest, my face, my eyes..........the car crashes, I'm shrouded in blackness, the demons and shadow creatures slither up and consume me......the grimacing man smiles and yet its as menacing as the grimace....

Thats the most I've ever described some of what I see at night. Sometimes during the day, but definitely more so at night. I've always just thought it was an overactive imagination combined with my panic attack stuff....

Alright thats all I wanted to get down for now. Bed time...