Your burnt offerings are not acceptable; your sacrifices do not please me.

Mmm I am experimenting a lot more in the kitchen. I am going to quickly become master of all things comforting to me to eat. Eggs, stir fries, mashes, and the like. I made a nice simple egg and veggie stir fry for breakfast today. I don't even need much seasoning, which is so great, I can just enjoy the natural flavor of the primary ingrediants along with a hunk of butter. Mmm, butter. Its sad it makes me feel like such a fatty. But yesterday I signed up for this diet app on my iphone that keeps track of how many calories you take in each day. I told it that I wanted to lose 8 lbs over the next month and it said I needed to eat 1200 calories a day in order to reach that goal. Well, I didn't even eat that much. And that was after I consumed what I thought was a large amount of food, and felt too "full" to eat anything after lunch, which consisted of 3 meatballs and a small salad with one tomato. For dinner I had some almonds and a low fat devils food cookie with a glass of wine. Not really the best diet there. Its weird though, I really love cooking to a degree, and I'm finding that I'm becoming more and more comfortable with it (finally!), but now I'm having trouble eating enough. And yet I'm still so out of shape....so lumpy and disgusting. It is so odd seeing the difference in my perception when I'm in control of my BDD and when I am not. Sometimes I look at my thigh and see a huge amorphous blob, other times I look at it and I see this thin little twig, about the same width as the palm of my hand.

My mom keeps emailing me, trying to further explain why forgiveness is a sign of spiritual enlightenment or something, and perhaps I could learn something about it if only I could follow her great example. Puh. She wants me to make plans with the family for Thanksgiving. I don't know how I'm going to break it to her that I'm not coming.


I got a costume for my halloween stuff for grad school. So silly, I still need a couple more costumes for the other 2 days. But for now, it is sure that I'm going to be a pumpkin. Yeaaaah! I'm going for a more ironic sort of extra normal costume, since usually I do something really obscure. Maybe I'll pull out my comforter again!