Finally got the internet back last night. It was out for roughly 4 days. So interesting to see what I did instead. I definitely got more school work done. I have done very little since it came back besides use it. Like a starved person may try to gorge immediately as food becomes available. I think JGB is mad at me because I was so out of touch with things without internet I had completely forgotten that yesterday was July 26, her 24 birthday. I'm getting tired of her passive agressiveness. She gets so upset over the stupidest stuff sometime. PLans sort of fell through for our friday birthday party, and I think she blames me entirely, even though if she had wanted something to go down it would have been nice for her to actually try and be part of the planning instead of dumping it all on me. But this is sort of how she has always been, and really I only have myself to blame for setting myself up to be the "responsible" one. Or something, I'm not sure how that works. She has a kid! But the same thing happened when I went to visit her in March. She had nothing planned beyond her normal weekend activities she does with Ellie, I had to sit down with her and work it out for her basically.
I feel though I'm complaining too much about the whole thing. People are just people. Lately, its been a little hard to hold on to that mentality, I think because I am trying to ground myself a little bit more, you know, be a little more pragmatic... I've only ever somewhat kind a little bit been good at that, and only in very specific circumstances. I think though I want more of my life to be that way...at least for a while. I've realized that while it is very nice to be focused solely on self-actualization and the inner workings of the soul/psyche, it is both a maddening and depressing effort that is not completely suitable for me right now. I need to have time to focus on the more mundane things in life that I've so often dismissed. I think it makes sense, how can I possibly be a balanced person in any regard if I'm ignoring any area of life, to any degree? It has to be balanced thats all I can say I guess. So people have to be more than just people for a time, they have to fit a little more logically into categories, good or bad, friend or not, giver or taker...at least things like that.
I've been trying to tell the difference between red neck and white trash lately. Theres a lot of that in my town. Also a lot of "bros" who are a little easier to distinguish. I never ever really made any distinctions about these types of people before. If you had asked me what sort of person lived in simi a year or two ago, I would have just said something like, "low-middle class white people," which really doesn't give much description at all. I really had no idea. Odd. I feel so different from that person now, and I see the reason to know the distinctions, especially about people, because in speaking to them it might be something that is salient in their minds and be a very important aspect of their identity. To overlook it or not notice it at all could be devastating to them.
I was re-reading an old diary I started in 2006, and even though I am eloquent in it, there is this odd sort of innocence in the writing that is subtle but undeniable to me. It reminds me of older books from the American in the 1800s, perhaps when all of humanity was a little more innocent, at least in some regards, or at least the ones who were writing books were. It sounds weird when I say it but somehow it rings true, at least in comparison to how I was writing at the time. Maybe I am just projecting my innocent writing onto them. Anyway, I tire of writing. Lisa gave me a new angle to approach the traineeship from, so I plan on going crazy with that one for a while.....
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