shwamamammamm

I think things are mostly ok again at the moment. At least on my end. I know I"m just saying that right now though. Its a little off putting when your therapist keeps suggesting anti-depressants. I wanna beat this on my own dammit, human beings have lived for thousands of years without antidepressants living lives way shittier than mine....I'm pretty sure I can manage. Or learn to manage. Yeah.

I'm in a much different place now than I would have ever thought I'd been last year. Its weird to think about what I was doing back then. It was right around this time that ____ came to stay at my family's place. I didn't meet him for the first couple weeks he was in town...but apparently he was eager to meet me. Shoulda been the first clue right there. My moms always kinda been over-enthusiastic about men being attracted to me. Ugh, how awfully misplaced.

I guess I must be thankful he'll never be around again. Or...if he is somehow I will make sure to not be around myself.

I guess in a twisted way I should be thankful to him, amongst all the chaos and destruction he caused he also created space for growth... maybe saved me a few years of development, I dunno. But at what cost? Hard to say. Now my life could be going in so many new directions that simply did not exist this time last year....and its still so chaotic. This whole year has been that way!


I cannot wait until things really settle down again. I'm getting awful impatient...