murkiness

Its been a while since I've posted in here. I'm in the thick of writing my final papers for my first quarter of grad school... and its hell. I always do this when it comes time to write my papers. I have this huge resistance to writing essays, they're just sooo boring to write. And I'm going to have to write a whole thesis paper. I'm gonna have to get over that hurdle sooner or later with this grad school stuff. Also one of my professors gave me such a broad topic to write about that its really hard for me to figure out just exactly where i want to go....plus I didn't do all the readings so I feel a bit unprepared for it. I know if I just sit and spend time with it though I can get it out... I just need to not leave it until the very last day for once...theres too much to do to do that.

Lately I've been feeling really...murky. What a funny word that is... I feel like I've become less defined though. Maybe its because I finally chopped off my hair? I dunno. I don't like it though. Perhaps its just a different outlet for my depression or something.

It sort of feels like I'm holding onto things I shouldn't be right now....again....jeez...what I've been saying throughout the entire lifespan of this blog....I'm just not devoting enough time to myself. Pffft. How sad is that....I say I want to work on myself and yet I spend all this time avoiding myself. As Freud says though, we all have this innate resistance to diving deeper into our own psyches...guhh...yeah, Freud...about that....time to get back to the papers I guess...