I am kind of hungry right now but part of me really doesn't want to eat anything.
I've been thinking about being pregnant a lot lately. I find I've become kind of paranoid/fixated on it for some reason whenever anxiety gets really bad. Strange how one finds new ways to defend oneself against psychological stress.
I had this dream that I gave birth to 3 baby girls. That right there was enough to make me gag (boys are so much better...what would I do with a daughter? ....I really don't know...). But to make it even weirder, when I looked at their pink, raw little faces, they had leech mouths and scrunched up eyes. They were really pretty gross, and they had sort of eaten their way out of me so I was pretty much a big bloody gaping mess down there. I didnt' feel any pain in the dream but it was very unsettling, to say the least.
Very strange, strange times. I should probably eat something.
The fight to survive continues. Nick's brother is in Lodi, dying, or maybe recuperating, from pneumonia and a grand mal seizure that lasted almost 40 minutes, leaving him everything but completely comatose. What a complicated mess that is. His sister is hovering over him 24/7 caring for him as only one obsessed with new age homeopathy can. The crazy thing is the hospice nurses say he IS showing signs of improvement. More shocks to the system.
0% complete on thesis, which I think is due in December, probably right around Christmas. Unless I take an extension which I might (meaning, I will, in all likelihood), screw graduating with my class. I find myself conforming less and less to the ways of the world. I'm just kind of...slipping into something else.
Hopefully something better. Hopefully not just exchanging one dysfunctional system for another.....
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