Gaah


The forum training stuff is soo awesome. But I've really forgotten a lot of it already. Its hard to keep it all in perspective when you're out in the real world away from all the possibility.

I want everyone in my life to do it, so we can use the same language to work on problems. But I let my own assumptions about others keep me from being really committed to getting them all involved.

I just have to remember: I create all the breakdowns in my life. It is so important to remember that the only one who can ever be responsible for any problem in your life is YOU, because every life is separated from reality, from every other person, on some level. You can change everything just by readjusting to that perspective. The perspective that you create everything.

So...the last entry I said I wanted to be happy. Simply enough I need to just be that way. Create the perspective that allows me to be happy. And to share it with others...because if I don't share it, it will get tarnished or pushed away again whenever I'm with anyone - I have to keep it present around others or else it will not exist anymore. Thats what has happened...I've lost my ability to create my own happiness because I've destroyed the possibilities I can create for myself.

Goddamm. I also make everything feel so complicated and hopeless. I gotta stop that. Bluhhh its hard! We all resist the things that seem hardest to change. I've gotten complacent about the idea that my relationships have to be complicated and hopeless and unfixable but that is simply not true.

I just hope I can keep everything in perspective.