Its so scary at night. And all my bad thoughts get worse then. I can't stand how I look. I look like a disgusting trollfaced, misshapen, lumpy, useless womanly thing. I'd make a great ugly witch for halloween...but thats about it.
I have to stop torturing myself like this. I swear...its killing me.
Echoes from so many years past...
"....I looked in the mirror, and was horror-struck because I did not recognize myself. In the place where I was standing, with that persistent romantic elation in me, as if I were a favored fortunate person to whom everything was possible, I saw a stranger, a little, pitiable, hideous figure, and a face that became, as I stared at it, painful and blushing with shame. It was only a disguise, but it was on me, for life. It was there, it was there, it was real. Every one of those encounters was like a blow on the head. They left me dazed and dumb and senseless every time, until slowly and stubbornly my robust persistent illusion of well-being and of personal beauty spread all through me again, and I forgot the irrelevant reality and was all unprepared and vulnerable again..."
I keep waking up in the middle of the night. It creeps me out.
No comments:
Post a Comment