Precipice

Lambasting and wasting away

I wait as my insides are torn apart

Dewdrops of pain falling from my eye ducts

No drugs can alleviate 

Or validate 

these feelings that I feel

How I wish it wasn't real as my mind steals

Away

Running off the edge of a mental precipice 

Holding onto clouds of dust that choke me

Before I hit the ground; I provoked this

Hell for myself

There's no way I'm not jealous of those 

Who are free of it

And not trapped in a tomb with nothing but

Broken hearts; panic and wounds

Paralyzed and chronically surprised

By the sheer unexpectedness 

Of all the lies accusations and betrayals of trust that

Infiltrate all our thoughts 

Destroying our view of the other as we cling on

To our own souls
for dear life;

We cut others down with knives;

Hearts carved out with words and spite

Insides hollowed out and kept out of sight

Doing what's wrong despite knowing what's right 

Keep on fighting when there's no reason to fight

And always 

Missing that
something 

that keeps our souls burning 

bright.
Goodnight...

Some say

The only way to overcome pain is to
go through it
Others might say you can
takes step to remove it, disprove it or use it
for something greater than all of it
Find your purpose through the pain if you choose it
No tears or hurt means you're useless...

Don't confuse this
With hopeless musings
Its nothing but the truth
A whisper amongst screams and empty schemes:
"Don't fall for it."

False hope meant to calm us
Leave marks like shadows seeping inside us
Like all those broken promises
The brightness of our eyes stolen
Through all the dramas and mistrust
Adults with the hearts of battered children
All those happy thoughts erased
Eradicated by the named
and nameless faces we seek to displace.

What happened to all the dreams we used to chase?

The truth slips through the cracks
in the masks we wear as we wear ourselves out
While inside we decay and cast about
Our life a play with many acts
Big brains full of lots of facts and other
useless information telling us that
we should develop our station
A nation divided by terror and
misplaced fascination...

How am I supposed to end this war on myself
When all I can think about is
My health and wealth?
This strive for perfection when there's no such thing as
perfect beauty, knowledge or affection
Waiting on my mental resurrection
When the true perfection is always
outside my perception

If I can't get an answer
then why ask the question?

Hands clasped behind my head
Staring at my feet
Eyes like darkened pools,
Overflowing, bittersweet
Wisdom that's obsolete and indiscreet

What can you do if life is hell and you can't take the heat?
Retreat and accept defeat.
Living on with the strangled hope that
Someday your Savior you will meet...

Feeling the desperation rise as I struggle
to stay organized
Fingers aching to tear at my eyes
Mouth pulled down into a grimace
No more disguises to beguile the masses
Can't hide the spasms of panic that rip through me and consume me
Theres nothing to me
anymore I'm all out of free passes
Running through these dark mazes
I can't face this, I'm wasted.
Looking for peace but can't taste it or replace it...