"Before life can be lived...the Holy Spirit needs to show up in your life. Because the Christian life is not the life that you and I live for God, its the life that God lives through us by the power of the Holy Spirit. It's Jesus taking up residence in our life."
-Mark Driscoll
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
lemon bars and haystacks
Its... so far beyond the word interesting to experience what I can only call a "Nudge." This Nudge seems to originate somewhere completely different than I've ever experienced before, but it's effect is to change my course, often in the most unexpected of ways. A lot of the time, I still miss it. Its so gentle and unassuming at times my own delusions of grandeur stop me from recognizing it.
And the strangest thing is, I really can't explain it. I asked a few church friends how they knew when the Spirit was trying to tell them something, and they said, "You just know, its really impossible to explain."
Well, now I understand it. It is indeed impossible to explain. I asked them further, how do you know that it is the Spirit guiding you and not just yourself? Their answer was repeated. And that is also so true.
I don't know how I'm starting to recognize it for what it is, my ego wants to take all of the credit. But I think really there is no way I am responsible for my recognition. Because I have no way to recognize it. I have no familiarity with where it comes from. None at all, even with all my fantasies about heaven and life outside of the one we live. Those are all human fantasies and therefore not even close to what it is really like, most likely, although that is also impossible to confirm. We as individuals, as human beings, have absolutely NO WAY to escape our own failings by ourselves. Just like a flat tire can't fix itself, or a bird with broken wings can't just wrap them up in plaster and gauze and wait a few months for them to heal up, sipping tea in a wing back leather chair with his little bird feet propped up on a velvet ottoman. It is beyond our very NATURE to help ourselves, but we think we can. We think we can even PERCEIVE how to help ourselves. Nope. Wrong. Only someone outside of our nature, someone beyond our nature, but who understands it fully, can help us.
It is all a gift, completely undeserved and unexpected and often misunderstood. How sad, but amazing, so so so amazing, that it is given at all. I feel so unworthy even talking about it, like it makes me special to have on a few occasions felt the Nudge... it does NOT make me special. No, no, no!! Not at all. All the glory of that goes to the One who gave it! And that gift is for everyone! I am no different, no better, or worse, than any other human. Well, maybe worse....no, no, not than any other human. Worse than the Lord, yes...absolutely. Worse than the lowliest of angels, oh you got that right.
As selfish as it is, I want more of this. Like a little bird with broken wings given the chance to heal in comfort and peace...and to experience pure agape love. Nothing could be more amazing, more fulfilling. Truly, truly. Oh, Lord you are so beautiful it is beyond my ability to describe!!
And the strangest thing is, I really can't explain it. I asked a few church friends how they knew when the Spirit was trying to tell them something, and they said, "You just know, its really impossible to explain."
Well, now I understand it. It is indeed impossible to explain. I asked them further, how do you know that it is the Spirit guiding you and not just yourself? Their answer was repeated. And that is also so true.
I don't know how I'm starting to recognize it for what it is, my ego wants to take all of the credit. But I think really there is no way I am responsible for my recognition. Because I have no way to recognize it. I have no familiarity with where it comes from. None at all, even with all my fantasies about heaven and life outside of the one we live. Those are all human fantasies and therefore not even close to what it is really like, most likely, although that is also impossible to confirm. We as individuals, as human beings, have absolutely NO WAY to escape our own failings by ourselves. Just like a flat tire can't fix itself, or a bird with broken wings can't just wrap them up in plaster and gauze and wait a few months for them to heal up, sipping tea in a wing back leather chair with his little bird feet propped up on a velvet ottoman. It is beyond our very NATURE to help ourselves, but we think we can. We think we can even PERCEIVE how to help ourselves. Nope. Wrong. Only someone outside of our nature, someone beyond our nature, but who understands it fully, can help us.
It is all a gift, completely undeserved and unexpected and often misunderstood. How sad, but amazing, so so so amazing, that it is given at all. I feel so unworthy even talking about it, like it makes me special to have on a few occasions felt the Nudge... it does NOT make me special. No, no, no!! Not at all. All the glory of that goes to the One who gave it! And that gift is for everyone! I am no different, no better, or worse, than any other human. Well, maybe worse....no, no, not than any other human. Worse than the Lord, yes...absolutely. Worse than the lowliest of angels, oh you got that right.
As selfish as it is, I want more of this. Like a little bird with broken wings given the chance to heal in comfort and peace...and to experience pure agape love. Nothing could be more amazing, more fulfilling. Truly, truly. Oh, Lord you are so beautiful it is beyond my ability to describe!!
Friday, December 7, 2012
Crushed by a cascade of cookies...
...Oh boy how I wish I were. Not to suffocate, or even to eat them. Just to be surrounded by that delicious and warm, crumbly, crispy sort of love that only a massive pile of homemade cookies would radiate.
As a side note, never ever eat canned asparagus. Yeack.
As a side note, never ever eat canned asparagus. Yeack.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Words and More than Words.
I wonder what the innermost thoughts, feelings, and impressions of a mote are.
Or even better, the mote sitting on top of another mote, floating past millions of other motes with motes on top of them. All of which are within the shadow cast from another mote.
Oh, I suppose I might have some familiarity with the thoughts of that mote. And to absolutely no ones' surprise, a mote is not all that interesting. Motes don't really think very clearly, being motes of course. It's hard not to get caught up in whatever distractions show up in the present moment (a mote-ment).
How strange and silly it must seem to the other motes what one mote can be so entirely caught up in thinking about.
It seems to me, a very motley sort of mote, that deep within every mote there is the knowledge of their smallness. It is a scary and unsettling realization for most motes. The reaction this triggers must be seen in their individual attempts to defy their position. Sadly, all attempts are but a fantasy, based off the very smallness each mote wishes to defy.
I must say this sort of thought pattern scares me quite a bit. How can one mote then say, "I know the truth about my mote-ness!" Our mote-ness inhibits us from knowing the truth.
How hard is it to break away from ones motely attitudes and admit to their stature? Very difficult, to do so truly and completely, probably impossible. Unless something outside the mote changes it's nature just a little bit. Aha! Self awareness! Aha! The ability to think at all!
Aha! And awe! The grace of the Spirit, planted within the heart of a silly, insignificant, speck of dust.
It is indescribable. And so far away from the normal mote-driven fantasies of significance, though to those still trapped in their own mote-sighted space, it appears to be yet another delusion.
I'm so tired of my Mote-centeredness. It is so small, so trivial; truly pointless. What good is it for a mote on a mote in a mote to think only of itself? No good at all, obviously! But that is most of us, every mote-ment of every day. Oh how I cherish the moments of escape from this. I cannot get enough, and its my mote fault.
But why the God of Christianity? Why not the other concepts claiming to be beyond our own mote-spiration? Am I over-emphasizing on the motes yet? Over-mote-isizing?
Simply enough, it is the best we as motes have. We get so caught up in our beliefs, our faiths, in our mote-science and our mote-philosophies, that we forget that they are all faiths. They are all based upon what we as little motes can perceive and put into words. Even this! Even this! Yes, yes, yes. But all of our mote science and mote history has yet to disprove this thing we call the Word. There is certainly a lot of insulting disbelief and libel thrown at it, most malignantly. This I suppose comes also from our need to deny our smallness, in part. But our own mote perceptions shout to us that it is true. The laws our mote science and logic are based on say, "We would not be here if not for the one who put us here! Don't you see?" We want so desperately to be bigger than we are that we try to prop ourselves up to the level of the Creator, saying, "It was our human ingenuity that discovered the laws and keeps the world in its place. Don't you see? See what I see. What we motes want to see."
Why do we crave to be so much bigger than we actually are? Why should this even matter? Perhaps that smallness within us also tells us that there is something out there so much greater than we alone could ever be. It craves to be with that greatness. We want to be with God! We, in our mote-centeredness, have separated ourselves in a very confounding way from the one thing we really want, Greatness.Our Lord is that Greatness. Clearly. So, so clearly.
I hate how my moteness wants to puff itself up even now through these words: "Oh look how smart you are, conveying these things so eloquently." But these words are even smaller than me! So much smaller. But trying to convey so much. Oh Lord. Seriously. Oh, Lord. Any clarity I get is from you. If these words hold any Truth, that truth is from YOU!
Christianity gives us a chance to go beyond our mote fantasies. Our mote science, our mote-centeredness. I've had the chance to be a Buddhist, a Muslim, a New Age hippie hipster type. And none of them do that! NONE of them. All of their teachings say to embrace mote-dom in one way or another, many of them quite rapturously. Of course, this is me, a, if not the, most mockable mote of motes, saying all of this.
Oh Lord, thank you for trying to explain yourSelf to us, such a small part of what you have Done!
Please keep me as awake as I, your humble (or trying to be) mote is meant to be. Not what I want to be, not what anyone else wants me to be. What You meant me to be.
That is the fight, the ultimately fight, of any mote's life. To escape the small-mindedness of our smallness and to realize we are not at all as significant or even as good as we would like to believe.
Because if we believe we are good, or worth anything, without the grace of God cast upon us, we have already lost.
Or even better, the mote sitting on top of another mote, floating past millions of other motes with motes on top of them. All of which are within the shadow cast from another mote.
Oh, I suppose I might have some familiarity with the thoughts of that mote. And to absolutely no ones' surprise, a mote is not all that interesting. Motes don't really think very clearly, being motes of course. It's hard not to get caught up in whatever distractions show up in the present moment (a mote-ment).
How strange and silly it must seem to the other motes what one mote can be so entirely caught up in thinking about.
It seems to me, a very motley sort of mote, that deep within every mote there is the knowledge of their smallness. It is a scary and unsettling realization for most motes. The reaction this triggers must be seen in their individual attempts to defy their position. Sadly, all attempts are but a fantasy, based off the very smallness each mote wishes to defy.
I must say this sort of thought pattern scares me quite a bit. How can one mote then say, "I know the truth about my mote-ness!" Our mote-ness inhibits us from knowing the truth.
How hard is it to break away from ones motely attitudes and admit to their stature? Very difficult, to do so truly and completely, probably impossible. Unless something outside the mote changes it's nature just a little bit. Aha! Self awareness! Aha! The ability to think at all!
Aha! And awe! The grace of the Spirit, planted within the heart of a silly, insignificant, speck of dust.
It is indescribable. And so far away from the normal mote-driven fantasies of significance, though to those still trapped in their own mote-sighted space, it appears to be yet another delusion.
I'm so tired of my Mote-centeredness. It is so small, so trivial; truly pointless. What good is it for a mote on a mote in a mote to think only of itself? No good at all, obviously! But that is most of us, every mote-ment of every day. Oh how I cherish the moments of escape from this. I cannot get enough, and its my mote fault.
But why the God of Christianity? Why not the other concepts claiming to be beyond our own mote-spiration? Am I over-emphasizing on the motes yet? Over-mote-isizing?
Simply enough, it is the best we as motes have. We get so caught up in our beliefs, our faiths, in our mote-science and our mote-philosophies, that we forget that they are all faiths. They are all based upon what we as little motes can perceive and put into words. Even this! Even this! Yes, yes, yes. But all of our mote science and mote history has yet to disprove this thing we call the Word. There is certainly a lot of insulting disbelief and libel thrown at it, most malignantly. This I suppose comes also from our need to deny our smallness, in part. But our own mote perceptions shout to us that it is true. The laws our mote science and logic are based on say, "We would not be here if not for the one who put us here! Don't you see?" We want so desperately to be bigger than we are that we try to prop ourselves up to the level of the Creator, saying, "It was our human ingenuity that discovered the laws and keeps the world in its place. Don't you see? See what I see. What we motes want to see."
Why do we crave to be so much bigger than we actually are? Why should this even matter? Perhaps that smallness within us also tells us that there is something out there so much greater than we alone could ever be. It craves to be with that greatness. We want to be with God! We, in our mote-centeredness, have separated ourselves in a very confounding way from the one thing we really want, Greatness.Our Lord is that Greatness. Clearly. So, so clearly.
I hate how my moteness wants to puff itself up even now through these words: "Oh look how smart you are, conveying these things so eloquently." But these words are even smaller than me! So much smaller. But trying to convey so much. Oh Lord. Seriously. Oh, Lord. Any clarity I get is from you. If these words hold any Truth, that truth is from YOU!
Christianity gives us a chance to go beyond our mote fantasies. Our mote science, our mote-centeredness. I've had the chance to be a Buddhist, a Muslim, a New Age hippie hipster type. And none of them do that! NONE of them. All of their teachings say to embrace mote-dom in one way or another, many of them quite rapturously. Of course, this is me, a, if not the, most mockable mote of motes, saying all of this.
Oh Lord, thank you for trying to explain yourSelf to us, such a small part of what you have Done!
Please keep me as awake as I, your humble (or trying to be) mote is meant to be. Not what I want to be, not what anyone else wants me to be. What You meant me to be.
That is the fight, the ultimately fight, of any mote's life. To escape the small-mindedness of our smallness and to realize we are not at all as significant or even as good as we would like to believe.
Because if we believe we are good, or worth anything, without the grace of God cast upon us, we have already lost.
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