crazinyeimtnglk

Stayed home from grad school today. Hopefully wont' have too many repercussions on my grades this quarter. I'll be going tomorrow and sunday though....although I've thought about not going.






Tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of a horrible horrible night for me.

pink eye with a pink shirt and pink things

I think I might be getting pink eye. Its about time, I've had these terrible contacts for a year or so and have been constantly touching them whilst wearing them in order to keep them in focus. Plus, JJ and evan both got it back when they had strep throat. I never got diagnosed with it but im pretty sure i had a low level variation of it. And theres still bacteria in  the back of my throat on my tonsils that probably made its way into my eyeball by now...

I asked my optometrist about em once early on and she said they were my only option at this point, unless iw anted to switchto glasses. I had to take one of em out tonight so I'm typing this with one good eye. Seriously my vision has gotten significantly worse over the last year, at least. I can't see anything when i close my contact-laiden eye, its all just a colored blur. at least before i remember i couldve seen the line where the text was... no more. ah well. Good times.

babaduhbuhduh BABADUHBUHDUH

Trying to keep myself together these last few days or week or whatever since my last appointment with Lisa. It was a difficult one for a multitude of reasons. Finally starting to take my flower essences more regularly. I'm taking Lisa more seriously about how I might be imbalanced mood-wise. I think I've always had the mood swingy thing but it has probably been more extreme since K last year as I fought to break whatever mental chains he threw over me... and that I think I still in part am fighting. I can't blame all of it on him though.

Writing this Jung paper has been fun, doing some dream analysis work. I'll probably post parts of it on here when I'm finished, because its fun and interesting to me.

After I finish this paper (which is due by post office closing time today! haha) I hope to start taking even more care of myself. I haven't exercised in weeks and its awful. Diet is slowly getting better...though I think I have also developed a bit of an eating  disorder. More of a binge purge thing. I gorge on snacks after not eating for most of the day... gotta nip that in the butt quick!

Anyway back to paper writing...................................................

puella aeterna

“The “eternal girl,” or puella, is a woman who psychologically has remained a young girl, even though chronologically she may be sixty or seventy years of age. She remains a dependent daughter, tending to accept the identity others project upon her. In doing so, she gives over to others her own strength as well as the responsibility for shaping her identity. Quite often she marries a rigidly authoritarian man and becomes the image of woman he wants. Often she looks and acts innocent, helpless, and passive. Or she may rebel, but in her rebellion remains the helpless victim caught in feelings of self-pity, depression, and inertia. In either case, she is not directing her own life.”

keep going back to this...

You said the thing you said and you twisted me up
I don't feel any different but its there in my head
Stuck like glue, like a molecule
Like my brain, a speeding train
I'll never be the same
Will we always be the same?

You did the thing you did, and it twisted me up
Now I'm wrestling with reality
Waiting for the bell to ring
And you kill me, you still me
Come find me, don't lose me
That is all I want, that is all I want

The sky, the rising sun... Solitary
And you my only one... Solitary

And in the morning when I wash my face
I see happy, I see tired
I see ugly, I see peaceful
I'm waiting, running, I'm not angry, or wired
I just get a little worried sometimes

Then I do the things I do, but they still twist me up
I'm wrestling with my sanity
Listening for the bell to ring
And I kill me, I fool me
Can't find me, don't lose me
That is all I want, that is all I want

The sky, the rising sun... Solitary
And you my only only one... Solitary
No time, no end believe... Solitary

You did the thing you did, and it twisted me up
Now I'm wrestling with reality
Waiting for the bell to ring
And you kill me, you still me
Come find me, don't loose me
That is all I want, that is all I want

The sky, the rising sun... Solitary
And you my only one... Solitary
The shore is to the sea... Solitary
And in the end we'll be... Solitary

Sabia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcvpsqsPcGo

That song struck a chord with my current mood right now, and I think my craptastic google translation of the lyrics explains a bit why.

I just really miss a lot of things lately... and I dont know if they can ever be that way again...but im really starting to want them to be...

Vou voltar
Sei que ainda vou voltar
Para o meu lugar
Foi lá e é ainda lá
Que eu hei de ouvir cantar
Uma sabiá