Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

 
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

I thought I had lost my heart...

But you brought me back to life again 

Again 

Like lightning you have hit me hard 

Never want to be too far away 

Away

How easily distracted we are from anything and everything at the same time.....

We humans are so dang clever, it is so easy to find busywork whenever we want a distraction. And oh, how we want that distraction all of the time. 

Why?

What is so scary about this life that we avoid thinking about it?

hmm

Teeming with emptiness , the grid reflects light but also death

How sensational is it to cast ones gaze across a landscape so seemingly vibrant, full of the buzzing signs of humanity all scrunched into a few dozen miles of land stretching across the horizon... 

It almost could seem endless, in a way. Breathtaking at first. Invigorating for a moment... But that moment is so swiftly over and forgotten. And then what was it, really, being so temporary? How beautifully representative of so many experiences here on this earth.  

How incredibly important it becomes to seek out the things that you will never forget. 

Here is where I introduce myself

There are just some days where I really lose my grasp on what is true and what is not true.

Is that what shock is?

Astonishment; incredulity?

I need to be more selfish. Ok, well, more selfish in the RIGHT way... not the way I currently am, which is all wrong. Wait, what?

Where is this coming from?

Doesn't that matter, somewhat?

Maybe I'm just losing it again...

Dang it.

Disfigured...

Why did I have to look there?

It would have been so much easier if I had remained in blissful ignorance?

What would I be doing right now, if so? Happily asleep, awaiting my prince?

Why have I been doing this, if its only a sham?

Is the sham the sham?

It's sort of fun to pretend these are all different thoughts from different people... because I am so immersed in mental illness, my fragmented sense of self enjoys a showcase. 

Okay.

One of the few people we can count on to never judge ourselves, is ourselves.

I mean, think about it. How could we find the time when we are too busy judging others?

wiping the floor with my face

I recline upon the grass, 
eyes stinging, straight backed. 
Watching the tender green blades as they tremble,
ever so slowly.
Chilled by the wind. 
My spine shaking and curving in, 
neck bending down, 
feeling the quiet numbness,
the hole where my soul used to stay.
Breath dissolving, throat sinking, 
brow furrowing. Rigid.

Signaling a subtle empathy as I tremble back 
to the quivering green blades; They send me their
   sweet fragrance; a shared sadness. 

How is it now, body aching, 
mind impacted, 
That I can feel so 
separate 
and 
          yet 
so connected?