How many aeons have passed by since June? Its hard to say....
The shards twirl together, melting into a new and beautiful sculpture. Twisted, to some, tormented, to many, but beautiful all the same. Where will life take it next? Into what beautiful visage will it seep? Will we seek it as before? Will we recognize the potency flowing through its deadened crevices? Life and love and light, oh so passe, passing, passive. Love.... leaking, twisting, shaping itself into...what?
All of it comes on in its own strength and in its own time, leaving nothing but what else is there...
I've finally perfected the act of crying silently, without twitching even a single muscle in my face. How artistic. I must find the beauty and the good, especially in my tears...
First day on the new job yesterday. My hours are incredibly light so far. Only uhh 7 hours this week total. I don't know if this job will ever have steady regular hours, but i certainly hope I get more than that soon. Four hours spent yesterday solely as a companion for a woman with dementia. It was an interesting experience. She had a persistant notion that there were various strangers sleeping in all the beds in the house. Very strange. Her entire world is a strange one now, so different from how she used to live as some sort of conservative upper middle class lady in a quaint suburb. Now her world is full of stories of strangers sleeping in bed, dogs that can speak, restaurants full of people eating shit, and looking through the same 10 pictures in an old album of her kids, who she thinks are someone else's. Makes me wonder what life will be like for me at that age, if I get dementia. Even if not directly related to therapy work, this job is going to give me some excellent experience in dealing with craziness, which could never be bad as a future therapist. If that ever happens. Sigh, we shall see. Finances are so unstable right now, who knows if or when Ill be able to get my internship hours done. It is a very disheartening thought. Truly, I never felt more right than I did as a therapist. Well, usually. I probably won't start up again until late spring of next year.
For the last few days I've really wanted to bake a cake completely from scratch. I've even got "cake" flour. Not sure if I actually need "cake" flour to make cake, probably not, but I assume it can't hurt. Does that make it not entirely from scratch? I dont even know. I think I'm going to try and make frosting as well, I've already got a giant tub of vegetable shortening to use haha, and then Ill make some of it pink using strawberries because I'm too cheap to buy food coloring. We'll see how that turns out, and how my decorating skillzzlzlzl turn out to be. I've watched my mom decorate enough cakes, I think i know how to make simple roses out of frosting, at least. Well, we shall see. I'm excited next week a friend I made in England is coming to visit. She isn't from England, rather she lives in Virginia, and is a little eccentric as I appear to be much of the time. I expect it to be a decent time, even though we are poor, and can't afford to do much. Kinda weary about it to though, as I really haven't been socializing with too many people for so long now... Eh, good that shes kinda the same way.
I'm just kinda rambling now. I read this interesting Pew study about our generation, the "millenials," as we have officially been dubbed, I suppose. To me, it indicates that the majority of us are incredibly naive, over-optimistic, and probably delusional or in denial about our own values and goals in life. Yes, they say their main goals in life are to get married and be a good parent, but really, who when taking a survey is going to honestly admit to wanting to make money, be famous, or party all the time? Perhaps those are their long term goals in which they, at present, have no idea of how or when they will take a stab at obtaining. Of course, I *might* be a little judgmental when I say things like that haha. I suspect that much of our generation is disappointed with their peers in the same way that I am, and that really, we are exactly like every other generation before us, minus the ever increasing changes in technology (which every generation has had as well anyway). All the other differences that make Millenials stand out from previous generations seem to be slowly appearing in the older generations as well, as social and ethical issues continue to evolve across the board in the same liberal, evolutionary, "tolerant" kind of way. At least in westernized countries, I'd assume. Whatever feels good, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody. Yeah, it sounds so great, but what a shallow, empty standard to live by. WHATEVER FEELS GOOD.... "feels" good? So then... how do you know if its actually good, or good for you? haha, eh, eh, eh. I can't even continue with these thoughts, they seem so arbitrary in the long run....
“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”
Checked out the local farmers market today. It was pretty awesome. Pretty much everything was less than $2. That big bunch of carrots right there? $2. A basket full of sweet onions? $1! A squash thing and zuchinni? $1 for both. The most expensive thing was the POUND of walnuts for $5. Fresh from a grove about a mile from my apartment. Pretty dang sweet. I roasted some sweet baby red potatoes, carrots, and onions with rosemary tonight and tried my hand at pan grilling a chicken breast. I added a little too much seasoning salt, (which I think ill skip next time) but the chicken was cooked all the way through and I didn't burn the skin too much!
I've applied for a job that I might actually be getting. Of course I walked in and spoke with someone directly for the first time, and its the one I get in for an interview...no surprise there. Lots of paperwork and things required and I got em all in, went through probably 4 interviews with different managers in the company... I am still not sure if its a sure thing, I probably won't know until next week, but it seems like I might get it. I'd be a home care/companion for senior citizens. The job requires light housekeeping...and cooking. I think I can cook well enough, I just dont know if I can do it all on the fly with whatever ingredients the seniors might have available. Hopefully they will all want to eat hamburger helper! Haha, no I am so hard on myself. I am a much better cook than I give myself credit for. I know I am. I just wish I had the confidence.Well, we shall see what happens!!
I should really start working on my papers for school! And that thesis thing, of course. BLAH!
Good day today though, overall, I guess. Money is still ridiculous, but I am hopeful, and there have been a couple of blessings that look like theyll be keeping us afloat long enough to get to my student loan disbursement in august...
