What do you want?

Something real.

But what's real?

Exactly.

How am I feeling right now?

Alone.

Misunderstood.

Unheard.

Negated.

Distraught.

Unaffirmed.

Neglected.

Abused.

Used.

Empty.

Afraid.

Forlorn.

Meaningless.

Typical feelings right. Just a normal process. Just a phase, a stage of development listed right here in all my favorite texts. Not important, hardly even relevant. Lets psychoanalyze every little thing so that it no longer holds any sense of power or worth because we box all of it up and store it with the rest of our self aggrandizing, fantastical memories of a job complete, a task so supposedly understood and perfected that it is converted simply into another notch on ones belt, the significance of which fades not only with time but with every other notch created.

Lets disempower each other in every way possible.

Lets disempower the very words we use to share with each other by flippantly spewing them out, writing them off, and keeping ourselves at a worthy distance from the true purpose of them.

Am I going crazy? 

I feel so sad to have lost my brother so completely. It's both of us obviously. We have both changed so much. Lord you know I want to believe. Please help me to do so, because today felt like digging myself into a dark grave...or getting thrown into one. 

I should have known better. I should have ...