WAGGAWAGGAWAGGA

I should probably be writing some responses for an online class right now. Gosh, I've fallen so far behind on school work. After my school session next week I will have 3 papers to write in iono a couple weeks or something. And then...lo! Thesis ahoy! I'm pretty sure I should have started writing stuff for it AGES ago. or at least, thats what my advisor kept advising me to do. lets see how long I can postpone that!! Haha... as cool of a topic as I've chosen, I'm not really digging it as much as  i should I feel in order to write it. But I think the problem is more because I feel completely finished with the teachings at this school. The whole program has...at least, for me, started to feel like a complete waste of time. Well, almost a complete waste. 

But instead of focusing on counseling psychology/MFT theories... I'm hoping and praying that I get this teachers aide position I just applied for. I'm also emptying out bedpans and helping shriveled old ladies get into the shower... hmm... theres a flippant sort of comment or pun to be found in there somewhere, but alas, my head is full of chalk and stuffing at the moment.

 

I get so tired of having a mother who insists on telling me exactly everything I'm supposed to be going through as a young adult. Oh, thats how you feel, daughter? Well of course it is, at 26 we all go through a time of questioning our purpose in this life and blah blah blah psychoanalytic spiritual talk blah blah its just like what happened to me! So its whats going to happen to you! Look! It already is! See! I completely understand how you feel and I know everything you must be thinking! Isn't that great! And guess what!? To make things even better, I can tell you for certain that whenever I have a breakthrough in some way in my own life, youll have one too! You know why? Because we are so deeply connected!! Oh yes, more so than most moms and daughters, we are like twin souls sharing the same cosmic womb!! Thats how close we are! Did you know that!?!? Thats why whenever you feel a certain way I feel a certain way too! OMGZ!!!! YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE ME!!!! 

And the scary thing is, there is a huge part of me that believes every bit of that. And another part of me that says, why fight? Even the rebellious part of me scoffs at my attempts to escape her... because... well, she probably is right, to a degree. I know she is right about some of the psychological stages that we tend to go through. But please woman, do you see what you're doing to me? Its no wonder I'm so incapable of simply being a normal young adult. You've made that impossible. I've sunken into some half you half me kind of personality. I'm part 62 year old crazy hippie philosophical type and part 26 year old totally lost, recently traumatized, poor young woman who has not much chance of fighting against that 62 year old's voice shouting from within. It pisses me off to no end... but more than pissing me off... it just....puts me on edge. Makes me feel like I'm about to lose it. Thanks for suffocating me!  Its what I've always wanted from my mom!