I've switched back to pen and paper journaling these days, but some small part of me felt like giving this weirdly public ghost town of a page some attention tonight. It's late but isn't that the best time for aimless pondering?
It's so interesting to think about how much thinking one does throughout their lives. And to think that those thoughts are, in some sense, completely separate from the physical world one inhabits. And yet, they are also so deeply, deceptively connected to it.
I have been caught between a thousand dichotomies of this sort, as of late. Or maybe always....see? Ha, ha, ha...
These days...life feels closer to death, and yet also closer to life, all at once. I lay here at night, all at once hardened and remorseful of the life lost... with a creeping sensation of authenticity and aliveness running through me, like a live wire, frayed and wriggling out of control..
Heart is empty, but the soul is on fire...
Is it a different flavor of peacefulness, or a flimsy, jaded facade?
I lay here with my face pressed into the earth,
eyes alive and sparkling
Flooded by the beauty
of dust
rising up around the feet
of those that I adore...
I must admit I have not been able to fully explore the duelling sensations within, such is my lot in life to reflect deeply but never long enough to see it through...
I get caught in being present and withdrawing , there is never enough time.,..
Murp
