vapid fragance

Stale air...warm and crunchy, stuck in the tip of my nose like an electric cottonball, crackling and frizzy...

Grimy and warm in my layered poly-fibrous dress. Scraping out the dead skin from under my nails against my calf, with my thumb. Feeling the tips of my nails shriek in pain as the polish coils and constricts...

So much noise, its too loud...off kilter.

What am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to decide? How could anyone ever possibly risk something as huge as a decision? Who am I to make that call?

 Is this fear of responsibility? Or simply acknowledging my own powerlessness? Because in spite of everything, we cannot stop ourselves from dying. We cannot stop ourselves from cutting into the very flesh our souls inhabit. We cannot inhibit the evils flowing out of our hearts. We cannot even do the things we long to do, because we fear what truly lies within us. We fear the power behind the beauty locked within. The good and pure behind the veil of darkness and lunacy.

God is there. God is there. God is there.

The very spark of light we shy away from, that gives us our aliveness, our hearts, toes, eyes, nose, and all the elements flowing through our bodies. The tiny green glimmer as the sun falls beneath the ocean, our spark is dying, but it is glorious and eternal. Something to be cherished and admired forever. God is there, God is there, God is there....

Decisions? Fear? Responsibility?

No.

Come find Him.

I feel as though I am such a useless individual in this society. I can't handle it, I just can't. I cannot adapt, all I can do is try to keep holding myself together as long as I can and hope that one day I stop losing it and crumbling every week or two...

You are wonderful light
My only love
Sleep well,
Good night.